DISCLAIMER: This is not a series dedicated to proving men shouldn’t cry, or to suggest ONLY women cry and are therefore inferior. The goal of this series is to dispel the pre-established (yet flawed) notion that being “manly” and being disconnected from your emotions go hand-in-hand. Even the most macho of men enjoy and even shed a tear at films, and the sooner we can admit that the sooner the concept that one sex is better than the other can go away. While the approach to these articles is one of light-hearted comedy, the emotional core is valid. While men might be more hesitant to admit it, movies often times have the potential to make us cry, for example:
“Iconic Deaths”
What makes a cinematic death an “iconic” one? Is it the brutal fashion in which the character bites the dust, or the impact that losing that character causes the remaining cast? Is it the gasp that the audience emits after realizing their favorite character won’t make it to the end, or the amount of plot that rotates around this particular loss? I say it’s all of the above, in addition to the penetration of said death in pop culture. Does anyone still talk about the death of whoever the bad guy was in the fourth James Bond movie? I had to look it up to find out it was Largo from Thunderball and he was killed with a harpoon – clearly not a big culture splash. Now here’s a list of deaths that movie-going audiences of any age can recall immediately and with crystal clarity. And perhaps shed a manly tear.
1. Psycho
The music. The absence of color. The chocolate syrup (look it up). This is all I need to say for you to instantly know what death I’m talking about. Despite the knife never actually penetrating the character on screen, this death scene has led millions of people to have at least a moment of hesitation before showering alone in a strange place. All anyone has to do is make the violin-screech eeehhn, eeehhn, eeehhn and people know what death scene is being referenced.
What makes this scene sad? The girl didn’t do anything seriously wrong, not by “horror movie rules” as they stand. The elder god from Cabin in the Woods would not accept this as an offering, if you know what I mean. Some crazy guy was attracted to her simply because she existed, and then the mother inside his head got jealous and killed her for it. She was killed because someone was attracted to her! Murder with no rules or patterns or anything…that’s just sad. And it was all by chance that she was there in the first place.
Pretty much the top of every internet search on memorable deaths brings up Mufasa. Darth Lion himself, this Disney death seems to hit harder than most, and Disney has killed a great many loved ones in its time. Perhaps unlike Bambi or other notable Disney-deaths like it, we see the fear in Mufasa’s eyes as he plummets to his doom. The worry not only for himself but for his child, and the world that Simba will be left alone in. The sadness of not being able to be awesome dad anymore, loving husband, and CNN announcer. I’ve put myself into a funk just writing this.
Say Disney and people think happy. Say The Lion King and people waiver. Say Mufasa and people cry.
Why do people look back upon prosthetic and practical effects with such love and nostalgia? Because of movies like this. You try to pitch a death scene where a man literally melts alive in front of the camera today, and you’ll be given two teenagers and a laptop to do it. CGI is cool and all, and it certainly helps the Hulk out, but when the slimy Nazi opens his eyes and gazes at the Ark of the Covenant, movie legend is born.
Sure the priest next to him screams and his head explodes. Big woop. This guy has such a satisfying scream as his wax sculpture skin melts away, revealing his white skull that also melts away, oh man. I’ve been extremely vague about this entire movie but all of you have an exact visual in your head of what I’m talking about. That’s how powerful this death was.
4. Alien
John Hurt. His last name was a clue. This man has the honor of introducing the world to two things: facehugger rape and chest-bursting alien Xenomorphs. Ripley, who I still plan on naming my unconceived daughter after, took one look at the impregnated Hurt and said “NOPE” to letting him in. She knew that you don’t mess with whatever is going on in his helmet, but she was unwisely overruled. The tension of the crew trying and failing to remove it dragged on, and was seemingly abated when it died on its own. John even got to have dinner with everyone and make jokes.
Then the coughing started. Then the thumping started. Then while everyone including Hurt watched, audiences gasped in horror as the creature reverse-penetrated him, bursting through his ribcage as he watched. This death belongs in cinematic history, both as a horror masterpiece and a somber moment when John got face-raped, thought he was ok, and then wasn’t. The especially emotional crux of this death scene is the complete revulsion and shock from the other actors, who were not aware it was going to happen on that particular take.
How many of you have been in legal trouble? Maybe not all of you, unless I vastly misjudged my audience. How many of you know lawyers, personally? Do you hate all lawyers? Perhaps not.
Anyone who’s seen the masterpiece Jurassic Park hates lawyers, only because they were told to hate them by the late great Dr. Hammond. Donald Gennaro is a weasel of a character we love to hate from the beginning. As he fights for only the rich to enjoy the park and leaves the children to die in their car when things go wrong, we know this is a bad guy. Maybe not evil per say, but lacking common decency. His death while on the toilet is so utterly satisfying we forget for a moment that this is a human being murdered by a T-Rex. Murder, and we smile. Every other death in the film is sad, but somehow Spielberg in his glory made us dislike this man so much, that being ripped in half while on the toilet seems a fitting fate.
When you gotta go, you gotta go.
Like what you see? Secure enough in your masculinity for more? Check out more Guy Cry Cinema or watch Dan on No Right Answer, the weekly debate show that knows what’s really important: Pointlessly arguing about geek culture.
