Hey Gamer Gals! Are you looking for the perfect Gamer Guy to spend a romantic Valentine’s Day with? Of course you are! Gamer Guys are amongst the finest specimens the human race has to offer, but competition is fierce! Ladies all over the globe are vying for the attention of these fine hunks (what else did you think cosplay was about?) and you’ll have to be at the top of your game if you want to walk away with a manly prize.
Step 7: Spend too much money on ThinkGeek. Garish retro gaming shirts and jewelry never go out of style!
To help you master the art of wooing the average Gamer Guy, we’ve assembled a list of Top Tips to help you score one of these elusive birds of paradise. Afterward, we’ve got some great advice for keeping your gamer relationship healthy and strong long after your courtship is complete. So get reading, and best of luck!
Step 1: Cosplay. Do it. But not too sexy! You’re dressing up for him, not the drooling masses. There’s an invisible line in his head that separates dedicated fans from attention whores.
Step 2: Dress down. The prettier you look, the more likely he is to believe you’re desperate for attention.
Step 3: No keyboard? No way. Get those iOS games out of here. Real games use tactile buttons or something.
Step 4: Remember, you play a female avatar because “a woman’s ass is so much nicer to look at,” not for some stupid feminist reason. He’ll think that’s hot.
Step 5: Never out your boo as a gamer to his non-gamer friends. He’s ashamed and you should be, too.
Step 6: Be supportive! Constantly having to deal with a culture that’s stacked against affluent males is stressful.
Step 7: Spend too much money on ThinkGeek. Garish retro gaming shirts and jewelry never go out of style!
Step 8: Accept that you’re in the minority. Games aren’t made for you, they’re made for your Gamer Babe. Boys are the only ones who buy games, anyway.
Step 9: Don’t take games too seriously. Real gamer guys understand that games are just games, and nobody should think too hard about them. Unless it’s a game they like. In which case: learn every Pokemon, sniper position, theoretical subconscious plot, and special move or you’ll seem like a noob.
Step 10: Never admit you like Pokemon.
10a. Unless your pookie likes Pokemon. Then talk about nothing but Pokemon.
Step 11: Don’t try to say anything of substance about videogames. If your new honey agrees, he’ll think you’re pandering. If he disagrees he’ll say it’s girlish naivety.
Step 12: Similarly, don’t challenge his opinions on videogames. They’re not opinions. They’re facts (AKA the consensus of people he’s afraid to disagree with on NeoGAF).
Step 13: If you’re searching for a Gamer Guy to call your own, seek out one of the Nice Guys. You’ll be able to recognize Nice Guys by their primary trait: loud, constant complaints about women who won’t have sex with them.
Step 14: Never play Farmville or any other social games. You’re only a gamer if your tastes align with his.
Still need some help? Don’t worry, we …
Actually, you know what? We’re sick of this. We’re tired of women (or anyone) being portrayed as something you have to deal with in order to get laid once in a while. We’re tired of articles that portray “gamer girls” as the Holy Grail of nerd culture, while simultaneously complaining about what a hassle they are. Most of all, we’re tired of men portraying themselves as gaming’s Master Race. You’ve got problems, too, fellas. Likely more problems than most if you’ve ever written or agreed with a “How to Get a Gamer Girl” article.
However, not content to just attempt to reverse the natural flow of sexism in gamer culture, we wanted to put together a short bit of advice that would be useful to gamers who are actually interested in having a healthy relationship with their partner. So we contacted a licensed couples’ counselor to help give us a little insight into nurturing love between nerdy souls so that peace and love can reign supreme this Valentine’s Day.
If your partner is not enjoying gaming, it’s not because they “don’t get it.” It’s probably because they’ve tried it out and decided that it’s not for them.
First and foremost, we wanted to know whether it’s actually a good idea to share so much of your life in common with your partner. Is it better to have everything in common with your significant other, or to have some parts of your life that are just for you?
“The idea of a partnership involves some level of sharing,” said Justin Tobin LCSW, who practices couples therapy and other forms of counseling in Chicago. “We don’t have to tell them every single thing about our day, but we should let them know about what gets us excited.”
The problem, Tobin told us, is that sharing your interests can sometimes manifest itself as something like a power struggle. You don’t want to get into a situation where you’re trying to force gaming as a hobby on people who don’t seem to be enjoying it. Some people’s brains (regardless of gender) just aren’t wired to enjoy gaming.
Ultimately, it comes down to respecting your partner enough to let them make the choice for themselves. If they’re not enjoying gaming, it’s likely not because they “don’t get it.” It’s probably because they’ve tried it out and made an informed decision that it’s not for them. It’s important to respect your partner enough to understand that decision even if it seems insane that anyone wouldn’t enjoy chainsawing Locusts.
We showed Tobin a couple examples of “How to Get a Gamer Girl” articles in the videogame press, and he gave us a bit of insight into what exactly is wrong with them. “The theme seems to be manipulation,” he said, referring to the way those articles tend to suggest letting your significant other win at games, or altering yourself to impress them. “[The articles] say, ‘don’t be honest’.” Though, to be fair, Tobin also said that this attitude is endemic in males throughout Western society, noting that he saw some of the same ideas from a men’s group focused on dating that he spoke to.
Tobin said that the far better alternative is to be honest about who you are and what your vulnerabilities are (trust us, tough guy, you’ve got them). The rest will come much more naturally when you understand who you are, and who your partner is. It’s important to be communicative, and make sure you’re never forcing your interests on another.
“In relationships we need to have independence but also share certain things,” Tobin said. “But those things don’t have to be hobbies. It can be a sense of humor or certain qualities.” So guys/gals, don’t worry if you’re really into videogaming but your partner isn’t. It’s still very possible to have a healthy, meaningful relationship with somebody outside of that while fulfilling your need for gaming companionship with friends.
Every relationship is unique, and needs to be tackled individually. Though for Tobin, most relationships come down to four key areas: communication, respect, honesty, and trust. If you can establish those four pillars then you have a rock-solid foundation that can withstand many hardships. And who knows, maybe someday they’ll come around to gaming after all.
Taylor Cocke is a freelance game critic from Oakland, California. You can find his work in a variety of publications, both online and print, as well as on Twitter. Andrew Groen works as a full-time video game journalist for outlets like GamesRadar, Edge Magazine, and Mac|Life. You can find him on Twitter.
