The news team fights prostate cancer with mustaches, superpowers, and silly hats.
Ladies and gents, I’m going to have to ask you to do me a favor. These dangerously sexy photos of the Escapist news crew inspired at least one focus group to tear off all articles of clothing in a fit of uncontrollable, animalistic lust. Please, whatever you do, resist that urge! We understand that these up-and-coming lip-ticklers just scream virile masculinity, but we’re not just here to look good. We’re fighting cancer, too.
For those of you who just joined us, it’s the second week of Movember, that magical time of the year between Halloween and Christmas, where men and women come together from all over the Internet to fight prostate cancer. Since this devastating disease only affects men, the powers-that-be have decided that the best way to fight back is by looking as manly as possible. As you can see, even our lovely news-ladies are sporting some surprisingly robust ‘staches.
Even though our facial hair hasn’t reached full bloom yet, we still have other ways of kicking cancer right in the gonads. In addition to a variety of stylish hats, we at the Escapist recently discovered a bevy of hitherto-unknown superpowers. For example, no one can find heart-meltingly cute animal photos like team captain Logan “Walrus” Westbrook. Andy “The Animal” Chalk can consume fifty consecutive bags of Cheetos without so much as a belch. “Mighty” Mike Thompson can tie a bowtie blindfolded, while Mike “Chaotic” Kayatta can tolerate fifty devastating Scoville units of heat on his tongue. Heather “Gaucho” McLellan has personally lassoed every wild steer left in Scotland.
Back on the home front, “Sizzlin'” Susan Arendt has mastered the intricate art of dognetism, which draws puppies to her at an alarming rate. Her loyal intern Paul “The Goods” Goodman, meanwhile, has been known to mutilate boxes of Cheez-Its without leaving a sole survivor. As for me, well, I just karate kick helicopters. Even our globetrotting friend Winston the Penguin has dropped by for the festivities. What’s his superpower, you ask? He’s a penguin. What more do you want?
If you’ve somehow managed to avoid swooning, you should check out our team’s Movember page. A kind word, an encouraging Tweet, or a small donation will make a huge difference, and since cancer is one of the deadliest foes out there, we’ll need all the help we can get. Enjoy these baby bro-staches while they last, ladies, because they’re only going to get more irresistible from here.
